Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Skating on thin ice can get you into hot water



England and America are two countries separated by a common language
Language is a funny thing, especially English as we have so many idioms, proverbs, clichés etc. I've found myself flitting between being very English (saying golly, gosh, jolly hockey sticks), and adopting a slight accent which is neither French nor German, but kind of European with a hint of American. It's no wonder that people don't usually have a clue what I am talking about.


I say potato, and you say... patata, pomme de terre, Kartoffel
I was in a shop on Saturday, and asked the sales assistant (in my very best French) if she had a pair of boots in a size 38. She looked bemused, before asking me in broken English if I spoke English. I was rather insulted, as I'd checked my French and have been told I have a good accent. Of course, I then realised she didn't speak French! Classic - silly of me to presume that a shop assistant in the very centre of Brussels would speak French!

Everyone else in the centre seemed to be English... my Romanian friend and I went for coffee at 'Drug Opera - the most famous pub corner in Brussels' - which coincidentally does rather nice crêpes - and were gazing in envy at the sundaes and crêpes at the next table. We then had a short conversation about 'bingo wings' and 'food babies' (her English is very good, but ridiculously colloquial), before realising that the people gorging themselves on ice-cream were English, and were finding our conversation hilarious. Our coffee did come with a scoop of (ice-)cream, a wafer biscuit and a mini chocolate though so we didn't feel too smug and skinny!


I speak as I find
Anyway, it got me thinking about language - something I love, and which I've studied in many variations. I mentioned it to my housemates (who are German), and we traded idioms. These are a few that spring to mind, and they are very wise:

  • Was Hänschen nicht lernte, lernt Hans nimmer mehr. (What little Hans didn't learn, (grown-up) Hans will never learn) - You can't teach an old dog new tricks
  • Dumm fickt gut (Simpleminded fucks well) - Blondes have more fun
  • Eigenlob stinkt (self-praise stinks) - Don't blow your own trumpet
It was quite fun trying to explain them though, particularly 'pot calling the kettle black'!

Toilet Humour
My English friend left work yesterday, so we went to a pizzarium (no idea), and had the 'all you can eat buffet'. It wasn't an option. Either we all did, or we all just had individual slices. 

So the Italian owner (in his slippers), and his wife (drinking wine) brought out wooden boards with pizza slices (and by slice I mean 4cm x 6cm) on. We didn't get to choose... so we got Margherita (on ciabatta bread, but nice), and then Quattro Formaggio (no tomato sauce but OK). Then it got strange. There was (among others):
  • Courgette and smoked salmon (none of us tried this)
  • Aubergine and parmesan (a bit weird)
  • Potato and cream cheese (so wrong)
  • Gouda and black truffle paste (tasted like anchovies - bleurgh)... 
  • Feta with rocket and sundried tomatoes (different)
After he'd brought out 6 varieties, he told us we could now choose which slices we wanted. Most of us were full, but after 4 'slices' I definitely hadn't had my 10.90€ worth (I am my mother's daughter), so I nibbled another two on principle.

Meanwhile, my Austrian friend had got up to use the toilet, and ten minutes later reappeared from a side door looking embarrassed. She'd only gone upstairs into the owner's apartment... it wasn't until she found the bedroom that she realised she'd gone wrong! I don't know if she confused privée with privy, but it was quite funny, and the Italian guy was in hysterics!

For my part, it was Greek to me
So earlier today I was explaining to my colleague that if he went to London for the weekend he wouldn't have to spend loads of money on eating out because of our voucher scheme. I received an email from Zizzi offering me two courses for £12.95, so I used this as an example.


"I like Zizzi. It's pretty good, and you can often get it for half price. Plus there are loads in London."
He looked at me oddly, and raised his eyebrows. "What?! Is that the name of a restaurant? Do you know what Zizi means in French?"


I looked it up. 


zizi (familier/zizi/masculine nounwilly (familierGB, wiener (familierUS, penis.

zizinmding-a-ling
zizinmFamilier Colloquialdink
zizinmdick

So that was unfortunate...  

In other news...
  • I start ice-skating lessons tomorrow
  • I know far too much about forklift trucks
  • I finally have my lunch vouchers - €6 a day and you get change in cash
  • I fly to Cyprus on Wednesday
  • I've been here just over one month
  • I've read the only books I brought with me
  • It's 73 days until Christmas
And on that note... I need to go and do yoga because I have a bikini to wear!

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Food, Glorious Food



Introducing the new Brussels Diet
I kid you not. Never mind Low GI, Atkins, Cabbage Soup and all the other ridiculous diet fads. The best way to get in shape is to move to Brussels.


Yes I was homesick and didn't eat for a while, but I got over that. Everyone is slim here, and I was trying to figure out why. One key difference is that they don't snack throughout the day like us Brits (no vending machine - what?). But it's actually very simple: it's just too difficult to do!


Don't do lunch - du lunch
We went out for lunch on Friday, and I ordered the chicken, bacon and cheddar club wrap with chips and salad - a tad expensive at 8€, but it sounded amazing. It wasn't. 

  • Firstly, it was plastic bread rolled up. 
  • Secondly, it was a ham like substance that may once have been waved at a chicken. 
  • Thirdly, bacon in Europe is not what it is in England. It's that fatty dark ham. 
  • Finally, it was NOT cheddar. Instead it was the plastic square cheese you buy to put on burgers when you're catering for a large number of people. 
To top it off, my accompanying salad was covered in mayonnaise, despite my 'sans oignons, sans mayonnaise' chat. It seems they can't believe you don't want it at all - surely you will want it on your salad?

Also their fries (the Belgians invented chips by the way), are fried twice, so for someone like me who isn't a huge fan of once fried chips, they're basically another no-no.


Luckily, I went to Guides and happily peeled away the innards, and ate my plastic bread dipped in ketchup, leaving the remnants of my 'club sandwich' on my plate.


Supermarket Sweep

I (finally) got paid yesterday, so as I was skipping from the bank to Carrefour I was quite excited about the dinner I was going to cook. Yes, cook. I wandered around the supermarket working out cheaper options (bag of frozen, raw, discount prawns was only €3 for 28-33 king prawns), and choosing my veg, happy as Larry (whoever he may be). As many of you will know, I have a tendency to eat too much ice-cream, so I thought I'd have a browse. White Chocolate Magnums. Yes. 

However, much as I like them, they are quite sickly, and I usually eat half before I start to regret it. Therefore I was rather annoyed to discover I had to buy 8. They were running a promotion so it was two boxes for the price of one, but the boxes were tied and sealed together. I may have wanted a combination of flavours AND I have limited space in my freezer. The fact that I was forced to buy 8 (in England this is a breach of advertising law) annoyed me. Now, because they were in my freezer, I will (eventually) eat 8 magnums. 

Anyway, I went to the checkout, pulled out my ORANGE bank card with a flourish, and put in my pin number. Of course, the machine decided I had insufficient funds in my bank account and wouldn't let me pay. Cue pigeon French explaining it was a new card and I would go and get some cash out.

So off to the cash point I go. Put in my card, and hey presto I have money. Then I realised the machine didn't dispense cash. So I used the other one... which was out of 20€ notes. And 50€ notes. And 100€ notes. So, I waited for the remaining cash machine which dispensed cash, and had 20€ notes.

Back to the supermarket I went. And queued, before smugly announcing 'Je peux les acheter maintenant' (which I worked out whilst queuing). She (of course) then needed to launch into a rant about how bizarre it was that I could take cash out, and weren't all banks full of criminals (I think her fondness for chatting was the reasoning behind the queue)?


All men are equal before fish
After a lot of nodding, smiling and 'oui'ing, I escaped and went back to cook. Of course, having bought the cheap crevettes, I had to peel them. Seriously. I discovered this after defrosting them, so I proceeded to peel wet, raw prawns whilst making pasta. They were pretty amazing prawns though - total bargain.

I then had a magnum... and after eating half I felt sick. C'est le vie!

Luckily, the boyfriend brought me a nice collection of Bri'ish food which will last me a while... once I work out a meal made from Heinz Baked Beans, Heinz Ketchup, Birds Custard Powder and Cadbury's Dairy Milk!

Bikini Ready
Anyway, the main point of this post is that I can now fit into my UK size 6 (US size 2) black skinny jeans. I have 2 weeks until I go on holiday, so let's hope the Brussels Bikini Diet can continue to work its magic on me!